Where I've Been, Part One: The Story of a Boy

I've had three fathers.  The first, God. The second, biological. And, the third, a step father.  All these relationships have their own stories, their own downfalls, their own redemptions and their own grace.

Over the past five years or so, I have been "in process" of relying on, seeking out, and letting go (in that order).  It has been-- for lack of a better word-- hard.  There is a lot of healing happening which is always amazing, but it takes work.  And it's a lonely job.

I was a boy...alone.  In time, I came to know that, in my childhood, I was protected and distracted from the difficulties surrounding me.  So, I really wasn't alone.  A better way for me to look at that time would be watched over.  There was a peaceful presence.  I couldn't tangibly feel it, see it or hear it, but it was there...watching, leading... I came to understand this later in my early thirties.  Time brings clarity to everything.  Eventually.  What I see clearly is that my first Father was always there; my silent God, but strong and evident.  

I have taken Jeremiah 6:16 to heart, which says, 

"Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls." 

Over the past few years, I've read several books relating to the topic of fatherlessness and viewing God as Father.  The Jeremiah quote is from John Eldridge's Fathered by God.  It, and Fatherless Generation by John Sowers, along with Donald Miller's To Own a Dragon, have been instrumental in this journey of reconnecting with God as Father as well as opening myself up to what manhood truly looks like through a biblical perspective.  

The really cool thing is that, in this journey, I've reconnected with my biological father.  A few years ago, I was approached with the possibility and was lucky enough to have some good people and mentors in my life to help me figure it out.  I don't regret it.  I have enjoyed the hard and slow process of relearning everything about him (and him relearning everything about me).  It's difficult but the best things in life don't come easy and are worked for over time. I'm looking forward to where this goes.

So, there's been growth.  There's been healing and beginnings of healing-- we all know this is constant. And, with all things good and growing, there are those that must be released and lost.  This is the sad truth with my step father.  So, I have let him go.  I pray for him with forgiveness, not forgetting, and hope that the good in him wins.  There is darkness there.  We all have it.  But, we all don't have to have it.

It's been a long, hard and tattered road with boulders and sinkholes and drifts.  I've come a long way and I'm still walking, still climbing and pushing through.  If any of you can relate, I hope you can too.  Keep moving, keep taking steps.

And for all you fathers out there who aren't estranged from your children, I say this: Thank you.  Keep loving them and being present.  Show them the truth.  Be love.  Take it up a notch.

Brice